


You did not break me

by littlemissstark315



Series: We’re not friends; we’re family [2]
Category: Red vs Blue
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Rape, PTSD, Talking about Depression, depection of depression, grif and wash are friends?, talks of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 14:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16536338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissstark315/pseuds/littlemissstark315
Summary: Tucker is worried. Wash barely sleeps, he keeps having nightmares and flashbacks and nothing he does seems to help and wash keeps claiming he’s fine anytime the word “doctor” comes up.So Tucker enlists the help of Grif to hopefully teach wash to relax? But maybe actually talking about it can help, Grif finds out the hard way.





	You did not break me

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for shitty grammar, my brain is fried and I have a migraine but this is finally done! Enjoy!

“So let me get this right. You…want me…”  
“Yep.”  
“To teach Agent Washington..how to relax?”  
Tucker rolled his eyes. “Yes. Look Grif, you are probably the most relaxed person I know, you have to have some sort of routine or something.” Grif shrugged. “Not wrong but seriously?” “Yes seriously. He’s been having nightmares and flashbacks, he keeps acting like he’s fine but he’s wound so tight he’s jumpy. I know neither of us are trained in psychology so the next best thing would be relaxing. “

“Do you mean like bath bombs or what? Cause I’m honestly so lost.” “Basically, Yeah. Whatever you think will help him relax and possibly get more then two hours of sleep every night.” Grif sighed. “Can’t Dr.Grey help? She’s an actual doctor. Like I feel for him, I do but I wouldn’t even know where to start.” “As soon as I say the word doctor he’s there claiming he’s fine. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

Grif sighed heavily. “Fine but I’m not going out of my way to to do this so send him my way with some excuse.” Tucker nearly hugged him but kept himself back from it. “Dude thank you! I did not want to have to ask donut.” Grif rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’m gonna go take a nap.”

It was two days later when Tucker’s plan actually became real and on the worst day. Most days he just uses the excuse of naps to be alone, he normally would reading or play video games but today he actually was napping because his depression hit him hard and he just didn’t have the motivation to get out of bed.

But wash’s insistent knocking and calling him out was too much. He wiped his eyes of any tears he may have not caught and swung open the door. “What?” He said sharply.

Wash was out of his helmet but still had his armor on, helmet held on his hip, blonde spikes a mess from said helmet. “Tucker said you wanted to talk to me, said it was important.” Grif sighed. “Uh Yeah, just…just give me a few minutes, I was sleeping.” “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, just tucker said it was important and this is the first time I’ve had time to see you.” Grif just nodded as he went back into his room to get his head together.

He came back out ten minutes later, in his pajamas he was in when Wash woke him. Wash raised an eyebrow. “You’re not getting your armor?” “Won’t need it. Look, I’ll be honest, tucker came to me because you need help.” Washjust looked at him strangely, Grif noticed the circles under his eyes. “Help? Sorry I bothered you then, I’m fine, tucker just worries.”

Before wash could walk away, Grif started talking. “You have nightmares right? They keep you from getting a real nights sleep. I noticed those circles under tour eyes are pretty dark. Is that why you almost never take your helmet off?”

Wash was still as a tree, tense and ready to run. Anxiety pounding through him. Grif sighed as he walked closer to him. “Look, I get it, seriously, you don’t want to see a shrink because you don’t trust anyone to be in your head like that. I’m not here to psychoanalyze You, tucker means well, he just wants you to learn to relax so he came to me.”

Wash was quiet and Grif almost went back in his room to get back to his depression nap until Simmons comes back but wash sighed. “I guess learning to relax wouldn’t be so bad. I’ll go take off the rest of my amour and meet you back here?” Grif shrugged. “Sure.”

Wash walked away and Grif was tempted to get back in bed and ignore the world but knew Wash wouldn’t take long so there was no point. He saw his antidepressants among the mess of the dresser. He walked closer and hid them under a tee shirt.

Wash was back within five minutes and just knocked on the door entrance and walking inside. Grif was taken aback at seeing him civilian clothing, just jeans and a tee shirt.

Grif sighed. “Look, I have no idea what tucker expects, actual relaxation stuff is donuts thing. I just eat and take naps.” Wash raised an eyebrow. “You shouldn’t talk about yourself like that, I’ve seen you do a lot of good around here.”

Grif was quiet for a while, letting the words float around before he let out a breath. “I guess we could play some video games or something. That’s my main thing to relax.” Wash smiled weakly. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually played one.” Grif actually smiled at that, he was going to destroy him in Mario cart. “Never too late to start, con’on, it’s all in my room.”

“We sound like we’re in elementary.” Wash commented as they walked in, Grif closing the door. Grif shrugged. “Maybe that’s what you need; to be a kid again.”

Wash gave him a sheepish look. “I didn’t really have that much a childhood to be honest. I never really watched movies or played video games.” “Well then what did you do? Were you always so…you?” Grif said for a lack of better word to describe agent Washington.

Wash sighed. “I guess? My father was a really strict military Man. Trained me everyday but I guess I was never the solider that he wanted me to be.”

Grif was quiet, he wasn’t very good at knowing how to handle deep stuff like childhood trauma but hey at least he and wash have something in common.

Simmons had his helmet in his arm as he sighed, feeling exhausted from today. He ended up being one of two fill-ins for wash who tucker said “is having a rare day off, don’t bother him.” So he didn’t ask questions after that. When he got to Grifs door he heard laughter and yelling? He raised an eyebrow as he walked inside, eyes going wide in surprise.

He saw Grif and Agent Washington, sitting on the floor playing the Wii that Simmons managed to get him one Christmas, like children.

Wash was grinning like a child and Grif looked ready to throw his controller at the screen. “Fuck! How can you have never played games but are beating me?!” “Beginners luck?” Wash said with a grin. Grif just gave him a look before sending the blue shell on screen to wash’s first place car.

It crashed and wash looked at him. “Sore loser much?” “Liar about video games much? Oh hey Simmons.” Simmons just waved. “Uhh hi. What’s going on?”

Wash looked at him. “Grif was showing me what he does in his downtime, thought it could help me out. I can go if I’m interrupting.” Grif grabbed his shoulder to keep him from moving. “Nuh-Uh. You are staying here until you lose.” Simmons just worked around them, taking his armor off and sighed annoyed at the state of the room. “Grif! You have your clothes everywhere! You couldn’t have cleaned for him? He’s an agent!”

“Ex agent actually!” Wash spoke up as he crashed into grifs car. Grif chuckled. “Yeah see? No need to clean.” Simmons just rolled his eyes and began cleaning himself, working around the two.

He started cleaning the dresser, picking up a tee shirt that was hiding the bottle of pills. “Oh man, I completely forgot to remind you, did you take your medication today Grif?” Grif tensed, Simmons and Grey were the only two the knew.

He was quiet and wash could feel the change in the atmosphere, pausing the game, looking between Grif and Simmons. “Everything ok? I didn’t know you took medication.”

Simmons knew he Fucked up, he knew Grif didn’t like that part of himself and hid it from everyone but for a few seconds he forgot wash was in the room, caught up in his worry over Grif. Simmons decided to talk about the elephant in the room. “Grif takes antidepressants.”

Grif glared at Simmons. “Shut up.” Simmons frowned, more concerned than mad. “Is it that bad he knows? It’s not like it’s an uncommon thing-“ But Grif wasn’t listening to it. He got up quickly and left just as fast, slamming the door.

Wash stood up from the floor. “Grif has depression?” Simmons nodded, sighing. “Yeah. Technically it started when he was in his teens but he was always busy taking care of Kai, avoiding his parents, trying to keep her safe and bills paid. It didn’t really become an issue until he was drafted, he tried to ignore it but it just got worse and worse.”

Wash was listening intently, he saw the melancholy in Simmons eyes, the helplessness of wanting the one you love to be happy. Simmons continued. “ I caught him trying to kill himself, managed to get the gun out of his hands within seconds of him pulling the trigger.”

Simmons eyes watered, remembering that day, wiping his eyes. “Since then I’ve been there, making sure he’s ok, it’s only now I’ve been able to get him medication.” “So all the eating and napping was the depression?” “Well a part of it, he actually really does like snacks but he’ll eat his emotions away if I let him.” Wash sighed. “I should go talk to him, I want him to know I don’t think any less of him.” “Good luck. He’s like a toddler when he’s like this.”

It took wash about twenty minutes to find him, hidden away in one of the caves. He saw Grif with his knees up to his chin, shoulders shaking. Wash frowned. “Grif-“ “oh god, go away. I don’t want to talk.”

Wash ignored the emotional voice and walked further in, sitting next to him. “You know I have issues too, it’s probably why Tucker sent me to you.” “Yeah, he told me. Nightmares, jumpy, sounds like you’re having a lot of fun with that PTSD of yours.”

Wash ignored his comment, remembering Simmons words and seeing first hand; Grif likes to hide from actual emotions. “I had a boyfriend before tucker, Agent Maine, The Meta as he’s known to you. He was probably the biggest sweetheart I’ve ever met. He was always kind and caring toward me. Always gentle.”

Grif looked at him weirdly, eyes red. “Why are you telling me this?” Wash stared at the ground. “Because he tried to kill me. Sigma, he was an AI fragment but he took over Maine’s head, had him try to rape and kill me. He tried to kill me twice, tried to blow his brains out in front of me to be free of Sigma.”

Grif was quiet until he spoke up, his voice small. “Did it work?” Wash felt his eyes water. “No. Sigma took over, Aimed the gun at me and Carolina took the bullet for me. It wasn’t until you guys threw him off a mountain that he was free of Sigma. But I still have nightmares of Sigma, using Maine like one of those ventriloquist dolls.”

It was quiet between them before Grif spoke up, his hands shaking. “I have nightmares of the Meta too. I dreaming of that damn mountain, the meta grabbing me and Simmons just a few seconds too late. The worst is when he does grab my hand but it slips out and I fall.” Grif wiped at his eyes roughly. “I’ve never been scared of heights but now anytime I’m just a little too high for my liking I go into a panic attack, or I dream he survived and came back to finish the job of killing me.”

Wash smiled sadly. “Guess we both dream of the same man.” Grif chuckled weakly, sniffling. “I guess so. Like a contest on who’s more fucked up.” “I’d say it’s a tie. I know we’re not super close but if you ever have a nightmare about the Meta and want to talk about it, you’re welcome to come find me, even if it’s in the middle of a training exercise.”

Grif smiled weakly. “thanks I guess. And uh same. If you need to talk and stuff about your nightmares, I’m here too.” Wash smiled. “Thanks now how about we get back to Mario cart? I think I have one more round in me to beat your ass.” Grif smirked as he got up. “Oh it’s fucking game on.”

 


End file.
